Chapter 8

Impressions of Teachers etc. at King Edward's School,  Stourbridge, 1933-40.

(Note: References to the "Gazzle" are to an unofficial magazine produced by the science sixth form. See chapter 7.)

These are personal impressions. Human relationships being what they are, some comments may be entirely wrong and other people's memories may be entirely different!

AGGLETON C.W.P.(AGGIE)

One of the few with three initials, thus claiming more space on the staff rota than he deserved. A long lean character, nominally in charge of 'games' which made one suspect that he knew little about anything else, but as I never had him as a teacher this may be unjust. Captain of the Cadet Corps until replaced by 'DUMP'. (see below) Could be seen on Friday afternoons in his WW1 uniform with pips on the sleeves, taking a somewhat languid interest whilst Cadet RSM Pugh bawled at the troops. The said troops varied so much in length of inside leg that marching was inhibiting to some and extending to others. This called forth unkind remarks involving 'Fred Karno' from the unsympathetic.

He encouraged the drum and bugle band to perform an extended, but not extensive repertoire outside most classrooms. This decreased his popularity with other staff members.

BISDORFF. J.P. (BIZZY)

Senior Modem Languages master. Had a degree of the University of Louvain which made him stand out on speech day when the staff wore their 'soup and fish' outfits - his resembling a badly made patchwork quilt. A Luxembourgian of florid countenance, he wore an enormous signet ring with which he was wont to wreak havoc upon the skulls of the inattentive. His methods did little to encourage l'entente cordiale, but we did manage to get beyond J'ais - tu as' etc. to 'Les jumeaux Pois' (remember 'La Pipe' ?) ) and 'Les Fables de ]a Fontaine'. The fact that I can still quote a line or two of 'Maître Corbeau sur un arbre perché...' says a great deal to his credit. He could be diverted quite easily from the mainstream by a cunningly placed remark about the history of Europe, when the rest of the lesson would be given up to a discourse on the subject of 'Dose Vicked Germ-Huns'. Unfortunately subsequent events proved him right.

BLOMFIELD V. J.

No nickname recalled. A somewhat vague, brylcreemed character whose appearance is now reminiscent of what we came to know as a post-war spiv. Probably modelled his moustache on that of Errol, Flynn. The absence of a nick-name is significant as it denies him any of that curious love-hate relationship which is so important at a boy's school. Applied the final coup-de-grâce to my moribund interest in Latin (see Easterling), but in spite of whom I managed to get a pass in School Certificate by learning a a great deal of the 'Aenid XII by heart, this compensating for my lack of grammar. He also unknowingly convinced me of the efficacy of prayer when the bell went one second before it was my turn to translate from Cicero, having not done my prep.

BOYT. J.E.

Headmaster in 1933 and for a year or two thereafter. One of the 'old school' with a bristling white moustache and a 'Col. Blimp' presence. As far as I know, his only claim to fame is that he once gave me 'two of the best' - no NOT six! That was a lesson of great value to me since it was a result of falling for the old 'con' of 'You'd better own up - it will be worse if you don't'. Having once nailed that lie, I modified my attitude and actions accordingly and wallowed for a time in the kudos of having a criminal record. Having reached this, the climax of his career, Boyt was soon afterwards replaced by Watson (see below). The events may not have been connected.

BURLEY G. (GEORGE)

A florid character 'in charge of History' Thank God he wasn't, or even the rape of the Sabine women would have been an utter bore! Probably responsible for a deplorable lack of historical appreciation in two whole generations. Had he, in a later day, been put in charge of sex education, the population explosion might have been avoided. His myopia enabled noughts and crosses contests to be played during his dissertations on the South Sea Bubble.

CARTER. F. (FRANKIE)

A pleasant character, form-master of UVI and Maths teacher. It was appreciated that by emulating Dr. Spooner and changing over the initial letters of his names, he could be made to appear as a somewhat idiosyncratic sufferer from flatulence. He was well-liked and a good teacher. His confidence-inspiring opening gambit at most classes was to rub his hands together and exclaim, "Well, you're a fine lot of chaps!" We may not have fallen for it, but it was better than most. His deficiency was that he was colour blind, illustrated by his penchant for such things as orange ties, purple(ish) suits and green socks. He could not distinguish between HIS corrections in blue pencil and MINE in green ink. This sometimes caused misunderstandings. (O.K. so why should I change?)

CHATAWAY. T.E.L.

A somewhat remote and colourless character who was in charge of Form I in the Prep. School. The latter may have been the cause of the former. Taught 'Scripture' to my form at one time, taking at least a whole term to get through 1 Thessalonians. Cause of much atheism.

DAWES H.F.O. (DOSSER)

Probably owed his nick-name more to an unimaginative corruption of his patronym rather than to any reflection on his life style or appearance. He was usually reasonably well turned-out. He was a form master of the Prep-School Form 2, and therefore of little significance.

DEMPSEY. W.E. (DUMP)

I never encountered him as a teacher and he will be remembered, I am afraid, only as one of the succession of Cadet Corps Captains known for his advanced and emphatic elocution.

DRULLER. MISS I.D. (DAISY)

One of the pleasant people at K.E. and an excellent teacher of English and Latin. She must have been since she stimulated in me a great interest in Latin in the Third form. This was later to be killed by less able teachers. She also managed to steer a class of science-inclined fifth formers through 'Romeo and Juliet' for School Certificate without imparting directly anything which might be called 'sex education'. Her occasional use of the word 'bawdy' did, however, stimulate me to look it up in a dictionary - which led to further research. She also defined permanently the difference between 'sweating, 'perspiring' and 'glowing, which knowledge came in useful in later years. The fact that she had been a school-friend of my mother had nothing to do with our comfortable relationship. In her spare time, Daisy sold School caps from a small room in the Prep School, and as I had the second-largest head in the school, I became, in this respect, one of her minor problems.

EASTERLING H. (TAPPER)

An oddity who tried hard to cultivate a paternal approach. In later and more enlightened (?) times, his methods and motives might have been misinterpreted. He managed to kill dead in the 4th. the interest in Latin cultivated in me by I.D. Druller In the 3rd.

EDWARDS. F. (FRANKIE)

Music Master. Used an ancient Austin to get to and fro - the 'Chariot'. Lived at the top of a hill - reputed to be necessary in order to start the Chariot. He must have been something of a musical genius in that he taught us in the third form to sing the chorus of the 'Yeomen of the Guard', in the fourth the alto part of 'Jackdaw of Rheims' and also trained us as a chorus to 'Carmen'. (I still have the scores). He could also get through 'Conquering Kings' in Assembly faster than anyone else has been known to do. 'Nut' (see Halliday) was often left hanging on his tied note at the end of line 3.

ELLIOTT. W. (GANDHI)

A man of sallow complexion and ovoid cranium, bearing an uncanny facial resemblance to the Indian Guru. Possibly a by-product of the Raj. A tolerable character - and that was high praise in those days! Yet another 'off the shoulder gown' character - to a more interesting degree than most.

EVANS OWEN. (Owen)

Head of Woodwork. Had a glass eye, and therefore a useful blind side. No known nickname, possibly because 'Chippy' had not then been invented, and Woodbutcher' was too long. Spent a great deal of time making a Stephenson's Screen by hand, and an equal amount of time teaching me to make a halved joint. Knowledge of the latter has come in handy on some occasions since. Thanks to Evans, I am also able to set a spokeshave, a talent possessed by very few clergy.

FEATHERSTONE. J. (POP)

The second Chemistry teacher, whom I encountered for only one year- then reverting to Bodger's tutelage. A somewhat distant character whose well-remembered and endearing trait was to stretch his neck and straighten his tie whenever he referred to a 'flaaaaaaask'. I think of him often when straightening my tie - such is fame.

FORSYTH. Mrs. (FANNY)

A late import from Caledonia during the early days of the war, probably to replace someone who had gone to fight for his country. She taught, inter alia, French and German. This probably accounts for the fact that a certain age-group in the West Midlands speaks English with a Black-Country accent and French/German with a Morningside one. A good sort. Her nickname was purely alliterative - I think.

GASKIN. Miss G. (GRANNY)

Her appearance, with long bombazine skirt, hair in a bun and 'granny glasses' made it impossible to imagine that her initial 'G' could mean anything BUT 'Granny'. She appeared to be a relic of those taken on to staff during the '14-18 war when everyone else was dead. Her brief was to teach art. During the two years I came under her tutelage, all we were taught was to paint geometric plate-edge patterns and to 'put on a wash'. She was a strict 'Plymouth Brother' and could be seen in Wollaston from time to time in company with another, almost identical lady, going to the 'meeting'. Her brand of disciplined Puritanism, producing an antipathy to 'graven images', was probably the reason for her regarding representational art as being basically sinful, so we were never initiated into the esoteric mysteries of the life class. This is a pity, since nudes of Curley Dunn, Lardi Lavender or F. Kitchen would have been worth a fortune today. Her voice never moved from the top register so that her requests to some unfortunate to 'fetch the water' were easily mimicked by 6M next door.

GROCOCK T.A. (TAG)

What an unfortunate name for a teacher of adolescents! Pleasant enough, but tried hard to be. He was my first form master in III2 when we were housed in the 'tin tabernacle'. Principal subject - Maths. Experienced him later as a Maths teacher who managed to keep about four steps ahead of his pupils, thereby causing that sort of confusion and exasperation now provided by computer instructions. My maths suffered at his hands, but recovered sufficiently under ROSE (see below) to get a good result in H.S.C.

HALLIDAY (NUT).

So called because of the pink bald cranium which emerged from a thin pale hair line, rather like the dome of St. Paul's rising from the morning mist. Deputy Head, and a man of great learning (1st. Classical Tripos), but whose ability to impart it to small boys left much to be desired. He may have got somewhere with a few keen types in VIL. He could be further recognised by an off-the-shoulder gown which partially covered a brown suit. He had a good bass voice, notable in assembly, especially at the end of the third line of 'Conquering Kings ... '.

RAYWARD. G.

A late arrival who, in 1939 (n.b) was given the thankless task of teaching subsidiary German to the science sixth. After initiating us into the mysteries of Gothic script and German pronunciation, he was wont to leave us to unravel the delights of Inspektor Hornleighs Erlebnisse' whilst directing his own attention to the 'Times', with his feet up on his desk. The result of this is that I am well able to read Gothic script and to pronounce German with a Prussian accent, but usually haven't the foggiest idea what it means. No doubt if I had been with those who crossed the Rhine in 1945 it would have been useful to be able to say 'Hier ist ein Deutches Haus!

HILL. J. (ISHMON)

The origin of his nick-name is not known. However one E. J. Hunand was able to conjure unbelievable sarcasm and venom into its pronunciation. The reason for this is equally unknown. Hill was another rather remote character who suffered from deafness and a 'Colonel Blimp' sort of voice. On one memorable occasion his gown came into contact with the near red-hot stove in C2. Attempts by several 'creepers' to draw his attention to the singeing were met with a peppery re-buff 'Quiet boy !'

For long afterwards, Hill could be seen with a sort of 'mini-gown' with an irregular hem tinged with brown.

HORNER. Revd. E.G. (FUNGUS)

School Chaplain and teacher, oddly, of Maths & Physics. So called because he chose to display his secondary sexual characteristics by encouraging hirsute facial adornment. He was unique amongst the staff in this respect - how things have changed! The effect was enhanced by his voice which suggested that he was speaking from under a thick mattress whilst eating Shredded Wheat. His duties as School Chaplain became obvious once a year when he conducted the Founders' Day service with more mathematical precision than with zeal for the Gospel. He was once heard to complain about the huskiness caused by '1/8 of an inch of phlegm in my throat'. We wondered how he measured it. Engaged from time to time in teaching 'Scripture' but we never got much beyond Hammurabi, the Tel-el-Amarna tablets and the Egyptian Queen Hat-shep-sut who, we learnt in the sixth, was 'a bit of a goer'.

HOUGH (H) and WEBB (F)

Janitors whose lives we tried to make as uncomfortable as possible. Webb had one arm missing (one-armed bandits were then unknown) and a cap. His filling of the coke stoves in Cl, C2 & C3, using only one arm, was a marvel of dexterity (or sinisterity - I can't remember which).

Hough was the senior and wore a trilby hat and smoked a pipe to prove it. Rough was given to cultivating hollyhocks, hence references to 'Arry 'Ough's 'Orrible 'Olly'ocks.

RITSON. W.A. (WHACKER or simply WAK)

One of those curious combinations of initials which are found too often in the teaching profession to be mere coincidence. Head of Geography which he contrived to teach very well and with some flamboyance. A man of considerable elocutory talent, developed no doubt by his being one of the several Captains of Cadets. He had a particular 'down' on one Dicky Clark, a lad of dubious ability who suffered from ichthyosis, and whose hearing and nerves must have suffered permanent damage at the hands of WAK. WAK thus endeared himself to me as I had a similar 'down' on Dicky Clark. The latter was one of the very few with whom I actually had a school fight. WAK also showed an unusual appreciation of logic when, having accused me of eating peppermints in class, actually accepted the explanation that the smell signified having eaten peppermints during the lunch hour, not necessarily eating them in the present tense. Such understanding is rare in the profession!

LEWIS (Miss)

There must have been more than one 'lady' cleaner, but she is the only one recalled. 'Lewis' was not her real name, what that was we neither knew nor cared. Her fame is the result of her heavy jowl bearing a resemblance to that of the then heavyweight boxing champion of the world, Joe Louis. She was a somewhat taciturn character in whom was the characteristic fault of all cleaners, that of always wanting to clean where we were, and then complaining that we were always in her way!

NORMAN F.H.

Another late arrival, brought in possibly to replace someone who had gone off to get shot. Taught English to some and Latin to others. He hardly ever crossed my path. I crossed his once and got my back-side kicked. As one could not, then, claim damages for common assault, I made sure thereafter that we kept apart.

(Sometime in the year 2000 an obituary notice appeared in the Daily Telegraph for a certain Professor Frank Norman who held the chair of classics at Hull University, and who had been a classicist of some distinction. He was there described as having a kindly and understanding disposition, being always ready to defend his pupils against harsh disciplinary measures imposed by higher authority. Those of us who had earlier crossed his path recognised him as our former schoolmaster more by references to his early career and by the photograph rather than from his described qualities. Perhaps, like all good wines, he had matured with the years!)

SCHOLES. (POP).

In the absence of any other idiosyncrasy, anyone with even one grey hair was liable to be called 'Pop'. Scholes had many grey hairs. I can only remember three things about him. He played the viola in the school orchestra, lived at Wollaston, and was a nominal 'Head of the Prep. School'. In spite of his musical abilities he was NOT the author of the 'Oxford Companion to Music'.

ROLLASON. (ROLEY)

One of the late and ineffective arrivals who taught English, among other things. His short stature, lack of humour and air of perpetual embarrassment were all against his making a mark. A man who thought that discipline meant his being difficult to please, so most of us gave up trying to please him. A bit of a pain really At one time became second-in-command of the Cadet Corps - God knows how - or why!

ROSE. F.W. (FREDDIE)

A man of mild, imperturbable manner, having a prominent hairy wart. He taught Maths extremely well and repaired a lot of damage caused by Grocock (q.v). Unlike the latter he was never more than ONE step ahead of his pupils, and occasionally, having no answer to a problem, would work it out WITH them. cf."STRAY" (see below) He thereby earned a great deal of respect and interest. Another of the 'off the shoulder gown' set.

STRANGE. Miss.

Librarian. One of the 'ladies' who seemed to be based in that 'sanctum sanctorum' known as the Office, into which it was more than our lives' worth to venture. We did not appreciate at the time that there was no ladies' toilet in the staff room. The school library was not a place from which one borrowed books or where one went to consult them, its only function seemed to be the place where 'work detention' was suffered, and where, once a term, one presented oneself to hear the Headmaster tell one that one could 'do better'. This was, of course, a black and ill-informed lie. Miss Strange's rôle was not therefore apparent and the fact that we never learnt her first name nor applied a nickname shows that she didn't matter very much. Spent much time with the 'Remove' imparting the mysteries of the typewriter.

STRAY I.W. (IKEY)

(His real name was Ivor. In later days of television he might have been known as Ivor the Engine - a lucky escape!) Ikey tried hard to teach Physics in the 6th. but was intellectually incapable of dealing with the wiles of sixth-formers. To have the name 'I WILL STRAY' was a considerable handicap, so much must be forgiven. When faced with a difficult question, was wont to remember some urgent task in the battery room where he kept his cribs. He had an obsession for writing 'WHY' with depressing frequency on every exercise submitted to him. This motivated me to encourage the the whole of the Sixth, one Christmas, to purchase for him a rubber stamp inscribed 'WHY'. The pure motive of saving him from developing writer's cramp was not, however, appreciated.

I was once given by him an experiment to determine absolute zero temperature by extrapolation. By unique coincidence or miracle, I arrived at -273°C. I was accused by Ikey of cheating. As I hadn't, I have never forgiven him in spite of his being a Wesleyan.

THOMAS. (TAFFY)

Gym teacher. If he wasn't an ex-CPO RN, then he shouldn't have looked like one. Short, stocky, tough and muscle-bound, he was of a type well known to all matelots. Inclined to wear 'plus-fours' when off duty to demonstrate his calves. Not one of my favourite characters. He seemed incapable of appreciating my reluctance to contort my person into impossible positions, climb ropes which led to nowhere, balance on beams half the width of the human foot, or do silly things with the ridiculously-named 'medicine ball'. These activities seemed to me to be mostly unnecessary provocations of the force of gravity and to have no sort of justifiable end product - I kept on growing anyway. Taffy will always be associated in my mind with the odour of stale sweat and overripe gym shoes, probably due to the fact that our Gym had no showers until towards the end of my stay. When they were at last installed, it fell to one Jimmy Wood to 'christen' them, and this involved his appearing, briefly, naked in the changing room. This caused some consternation and ribaldry since, in those days, such exhibitionism was a sure sign of perversion and the beginning of the road to hell.

TIMBRELL J. (BODGER)

Nickname not justified if used in the modern sense, for  J.T. never bodged anything. Probably the best teacher I have encountered. He stimulated and maintained my lasting interest in Chemistry and in later life I was able to make good use, too, of his teaching methods. His delegation of responsibility and encouragement of personal research in the upper 6th. was a valuable preliminary to University. It is significant that when he suffered a stroke, three or four of us cycled all the way to Kinver to visit him. His 'satisfactory' on one's report was worth more than high praise from lesser mortals. As a side-line he was the 'First-Aid' man. His usual remedy for a badly grazed knee was "Go and scrub it hard, boy!' followed by liberal application of Tincture of Iodine. This was not popular.

WALKER (CAPTAIN)

Fire Chief. Not on the School Staff, but visited in his capacity of Borough Fire Chief. Remembered as an unlikely, slight man with a tobacco-stained white beard & moustache, ditto fingers. The School 'Fire Brigade' was a loose association of prefects whose only qualification was that, dressed in a little brief authority, they could, if necessary, put the lesser fry in detention if they refused to avoid being incinerated or asphyxiated. Fire Brigade Practice, usually carried out on Saturday mornings, was held under great protest from such as 'Bodger' who considered that our time might be better employed. They were probably right.

Drill consisted of running out hoses from the hydrant near the hall to the remote, Duke Street end of the playground where a fire was least likely to break out. Having done this, the hoses would be rolled up again and the 'Brigade' would adjourn to 'Gug's Caff' in Coventry Street to drink coffee and engage in scurrilous conversation encouraged by the gallant Captain. On official municipal functions such as real fires he was wont to wear a magnificent brass helmet, reputed to be of the time of Alexander the Great. As our heads were obviously much harder than his, we were not issued with similar protection, probably being regarded as expendable. Capt. Walker was last heard of being blown through a shop window by the force of the explosion of a local chip shop.

WATMOUGH. ?

A character who arrived late on the scene to take charge of the new Biology Labs. He made little impression on us, first because we could not pronounce his name. Watmore? Watmuff? Watinow? Wait-a-mo? Also because Biology was one of those pseudo-sciences connected with tadpoles. dissection of frogs, and providing excuses for girls to skive off on 'nature walks' and pick daisies. This was nothing like the 'real' science which involved such things as making phenyl-isocyanide (or was it Trimethyl-diamino-diphenyl methane?) and TRF radios.

WATSON. MILLY.

The Headmaster's nubile daughter who worked as Secretary and Office Manager - as gross a case of nepotism as one could imagine. She appeared to be incarcerated in the Office most of the time, but whether because of Papa's orders, a natural modesty, pressure of work or fear of the peripatetic Upper Sixth was never clarified. Had to be watched carefully when a new 'Gazzle' came out.

WATSON. T.W. (TOMMY)

Headmaster and a complete contrast to his predecessor in being of smaller build, clean-shaven and well Brylcreemed. A rather pompous individual who was always immaculately dressed. I always admired his Van Heusen collars. Not much personal contact (Deo gratias). He pontificated on my report each term at the inquisition in the library. Comparing notes we discovered that most of us could 'work harder' or 'do better' etc. etc. Somehow we managed to pass examinations without taking this advice too seriously. He was a man whose rare smiles seemed to give him as much pleasure as a dentist's drill. It was, nevertheless, always a problem to keep the latest issue of the 'Gazzle' from disappearing into the Headmaster's study before those who deserved to had read it. We suspected his daughter of treachery. When a special Founder's Day edition of the said journal slandered the local M.P., Watson quite calmly insisted that it be suppressed 'in the interests of diplomacy and of the School.' It was - with no hard feelings. I think we drew the right inference. One can forgive a lot!

WEINICH. F.W. (MONKEY)

A short wood-work teacher of simian appearance, believed to be a displaced Pole, possibly to cover his German extraction at a time in the 1930's when it was prudent for such to be covered. He was supposed to teach wood-work, but was a little over-enthusiastic for the need for accurate preliminary drawings. Consequently little wood-work was actually done, but a great deal of drawing was. Some of the latter had little relevance to woodwork, although one pupil insisted to 'Sir' that he really did intend to carve a wooden statuette of Marilyn Monroe. Weinich could not be described as a strict disciplinarian. He did, however, teach me to French Polish, an achievement which seemed at the time to make it all worth while.

WHITE (TILTY)

Small and balding. So named from his giving the impression of having one short leg and 0ne long arm. One of the 'off the shoulder gown' brigade. Nevertheless an excellent teacher of Geography, able to stimulate and maintain interest. Somewhat over-shadowed in that subject by the more flamboyant W.A.Kitson. Always seemed to be loaded to the gunwales with cases and books - which may have accounted for the tilt

WICKS. (SALLY)

One of the ladies, few in number, who, together with 'Lewis' the cleaner and the aforementioned 'Granny' and 'Daisy', provided the feminine influence, moderating or stimulating as the case may be. 'Froebel trained', which to us meant that she had rather weird ideas, Sally divided her time between teaching Prep School tots to slosh paint about on large sheets of paper, and helping Miss Strange with trying to teach the 'Remove' to type. (The only compensation for those in the 'Remove'.) Being female and (comparatively) young, she tended to receive more attention from the Upper Sixth than was called for by her teaching activities.

WILLIAMS. F. (FUZZY)

So called not only because of his initial (which MUST have stood for 'Fuzzy') but also due to his hair - which was. Taught French and English. A somewhat late arrival and pretty useless. To put him in charge of the weekly English session of the third-year sixth science was an act of wanton cruelty! On one occasion a musical box mechanism was placed under the masters' podium immediately before his arrival in the class-room. Being unable to locate the source of the 'Poet & Peasant Overture', he ordered it to be switched off immediately. This was, of course, impossible without lifting the podium on which he stood. So no-one moved. He then said that unless it was turned off immediately, he would confiscate it. As the owner had already prudently written it off, this threat had no effect. I wish I could remember the outcome.

Fuzz, as the unlikely Housemaster of Wollaston House, later had me made an even more unlikely House Captain. The duties of the latter included calling School to attention when the Headmaster entered Assembly, and then reading the lesson at prayers. These duties may well have given me the necessary experience whereby I later achieved rapid promotion in the University O.T.C., followed, much later, by an ecclesiastical career. Perhaps I owe more to Fuzzy than I have realised

W.J.Green. 1999.